One common expectation for sex therapy is that you will “fall in love all over again” and it will be “like you just met.” This is unrealistic. It can’t be “like it was in the beginning” because you are not who you were in the beginning.
But there’s good news. Relearning to treat each other with the affection and kindness you showed when you were first dating can make your relationship stronger than ever. Different, but better. Because you have shared memories as a foundation, and can bring all your wisdom and maturity to the practice of demonstrating your love.
Humans respond predictably to positive attention. In therapy, you find the roots of your sexual difficulties–be they physical, emotional or both–and address them head-on with medication (if needed) and new behaviors.
Over time, you can rediscover what drew you together. So, in that sense, it is possible to fall in love again, albeit in a new way.
Being in Love, Then and Now
Back then, you didn’t know each other very well. You hadn’t learned each other’s annoying quirks and habits. Now you know everything.
That’s why the renewal of your bond can be so satisfying. Because you DO know each other well, and you choose to stay together anyway. That builds a new appreciation of each other, deeper and more meaningful than the ‘butterflies in your stomach’ feeling you imagine you want back.
When couples are together a while, they stop doing the little things that make their partner feel special. They stop giving their partner’s needs priority. Life gets in the way.
It takes practice to rekindle the fire. Sex therapy helps you communicate your needs clearly, come to mutual goals for meeting them, and take small steps toward getting there. All with a coach to help with any bumps along the road.