In spite of what is portrayed in movies and on TV, the majority of women do not reach orgasm during intercourse. Most need direct stimulation of the clitoris, which is usually too far away from the vagina to get what it needs during penetration.
Yet we are rarely taught how to successfully perform oral sex on women, and it can be embarrassing for women to talk to their partners about what they want and need.
A little education can go a long way.
Women: show your partner this article, and then work up the courage to spell out what you want—before, during and after your next sexual encounter.
Partners: If you want to satisfy your female partner sexually, do the following:
- Let her know you are eager to give her pleasure.
- Ask her to talk you through what feels good—and what doesn’t.
- Give her all the time she needs.
- If you get tired, take a break.
- Do everything you can to help her relax.
- Show her you are enjoying the experience through words, noises and body language
8,000 Nerve Endings
The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings, most of which are found in the bud-like glans at the top of the vulva.
To stimulate them, try moving your tongue back and forth or up and down over the glans.
You will know if she is enjoying it by her body reaction and the noises she is making. If she isn’t responding, take a break and ask her what she would like you to do differently.
Finding the G-Spot
With her permission, try putting a finger in her vagina and hooking it in a “come here” motion. This can help you access the fabled G-spot behind the pubic bone. Gently sliding a finger or two in and out while attending to the clitoris can be especially pleasurable.
Try a Toy
Instead of a finger, you can use a G-spot wand to penetrate the vagina, while using your mouth, fingers or a vibrator on the clitoris.
Female sex toys are specifically designed to access the G-spot. Massage the G-spot while using your mouth on the clitoris.
When applying a vibrator to the glans, massage in the same consistent motion you used with your tongue.
You can use your mouth too. Try penetration with the tongue or gently stimulating the very bottom of the vaginal opening, where there are more pleasurable nerve endings.
Talk it Over
Check in with each other after the sexual encounter is over. Talk, cuddle, and provide emotional attention. There is more to intimacy than sex.
P.S. for Women
If you aren’t sure what you like, or are too embarrassed to ask for it, a local sex therapist may be able to help.
Don’t feel self-conscious if it takes you a long time to orgasm. As the humorist Dave Barry once joked, “As a rule, women would like to devote as much time to foreplay and the sex act as men would like to devote to foreplay, the sex act, and building a garage.”
Men and women are just built differently. For a satisfactory sex life, you need to be able to express your needs and desires. It can take time to feel comfortable talking about a desire for oral sex, but it will be worth it.
P.S. for Partners
If you are unsure of how to pleasure your female partner, a local couples counselor can help you build confidence.
There is no topic too embarrassing to bring up in sex therapy. We have seen it all and want to help you build a healthy sex life.