You’ve tried everything and decided divorce is the answer. Problem solved, right? Not so fast. Divorce leaves scars that need to heal before you can productively move on.
A sex therapist can make the divorce journey easier. We address all the issues of relationships, including the anxiety and psychological effects of divorce.
Divorce depression is a real thing. Just because you wanted out doesn’t mean you won’t mourn. Divorce is the end of long-held dreams and aspirations. It would be unnatural NOT to grieve when a marriage dissolves.
The Value of Divorce Counseling Before and After
If you think you are ready to call it quits, do yourself a big favor and call a relationship therapist before you call the lawyers. A marriage counselor can help you decide if you REALLY MUST end your marriage, and, if so, how to do it in a civil and healthy way, with the least impact on the children. Counseling can help you see and address confusing emotions about the divorce, and learn coping strategies for getting through the stress.
Post-divorce counseling guides former couples through the messy and sometimes bewildering aftermath of splitting up. It can help people rebuild self-esteem and self-confidence, accept their new realities, and reclaim their lives.
The Impacts of Divorce
I never suggest divorce to a couple if there is any hope of staying together. Divorce is horribly disruptive, and doesn’t necessarily make people any happier. It is painful not only for the nuclear family, but also for the in-laws, friends, and even pets.
No one avoids suffering with divorce. Women often are impacted more negatively financially. They more often experience a loss of income and lose their homes. Statistically, they also have a lower chance of finding a new partner.
On the other hand, men take a stronger hit physically. Divorced men have more heart disease, high blood pressure and strokes than divorced women or married men.
How Children are Affected
Sometime couples who come to my office for divorce help think their children will be better off without having to deal with their parents fighting all the time. In extreme cases, such as when abuse is present, this is true, but children can be amazingly immune to situations that do not directly affect them, as long as their needs are being met.
A marriage breakup causes children’s trust to be broken and confidence shattered. New fears creep in as bedrock assumptions about their family and security are shattered. Divorce counseling is usually helpful. It can help mom and dad explain what is happening in terms the children can understand, and give children a safe, neutral place to process their feelings.
Divorce Therapy for Recovery
It can feel like you have a rock on your chest after divorce. The future is uncertain, and many people temporarily feel worse than they did in the unhappy relationship.
Talking with a counselor can help you understand each person’s role in the breakup, why it is so difficult to move on, and how to cope with the anxiety of a major life change.
If you have children, you will still need to deal with each other for years to come, so therapy together or separately can help you learn to communicate more effectively, let the past go, and resolve any lingering anger you may feel toward one another.
Getting to a New Normal
Nearly 50 percent of marriages do not last. One third of divorces happen in the first five years. So, you are not alone in dealing with an overwhelming amount of legal, logistical and emotional challenges.
But I have found–after decades of helping couples through the divorce process–that it does eventually get better. Let me help you shorten the journey. Call anytime.