Sometimes people seek out a sex therapist because they want to address uncomfortable patterns in their sex life. For example, they may feel numb during sex, lose interest in partners after one sexual encounter, or feel unable to give or receive love through sex.
Others come to deal with sex addictions, fantasies or behaviors they wonder about, or have functional issues.
Finding a Partner
One reason I meet with singles is to talk about their frustrations with finding a life partner.
Our discussions focus on figuring out what they want, what they don’t want, and how to avoid wasting time with people who won’t be a fit.
It is hard to face the rejecting of meeting new people, having a good time, and then never hearing from them again. Usually, it’s about them, not you.
We can discuss how to be authentic on a first date without revealing too much or coming on too strong. We can also discuss your profile for online dating sites. Some tips that apply to just about everyone include:
- Be specific and avoid clichés
- Avoid leading with sexuality if you are looking for something long-term
- Show your eyes (no sunglasses!)
In therapy with singles, we often discuss how to spot red flags in potential matches. There are concrete ways to avoid unhealthy relationship patterns of your past.
Your sexuality is an important part of your overall health, and I believe single people have just as much right to a robust sex live as marrieds.
The important thing is to know what is healthy for you. If you don’t feel comfortable becoming intimate with someone you don’t know very well, don’t do it. If, on the other hand, you sometimes just want to relieve sexual tension without any strings, you are entitled to that, as long as your partner understands what they are getting in to and consents.
If you find traditional sex positions boring, again, try something new with a partner who’s game.
Here are some issues that warrant visiting a sex therapist, whether you are coupled or single:
- You can’t come to orgasm, or just want to enjoy sex more
- You have performance anxiety
- You don’t know what you want in terms of sexual expression
- You want to process your sexual past
- You are ashamed or embarrassed to talk about sex
- You experience pain during intercourse
- You are questioning your sexual identity
The Rewards of Sex Therapy
Particularly if you are single, and don’t have anyone to discuss your sexual questions, thoughts and feelings with, it can be extremely liberating to see a sex therapist. We have heard a lot and won’t be shocked by what’s on your mind.
Sex therapy can be a pathway for getting to know yourself better, which, in turn, can help you attract a mate who shares your values. Sex can and should be about pleasure!