Sex on the Back Burner? Here’s How to Rekindle the Flame

happy couple going through sex therapy

How do you keep the excitement going, day after day, year after year? It takes deciding you want to, intentionally focusing on one another, and making Together Time a habit.

  • Little things help. Set the coffee maker to start when your spouse gets up. Sneak treats into their workout bag. Send a quick text during the workday. It’s not less romantic to put these on your calendar so you remember!
  • Make time for Alone Time. Even if it is just dinner at home, watching Netflix together, or spending a few minutes talking before sleep, reconnecting daily is crucial. If you have small children, resist the urge to let them sleep in your bed. Your bed is your sacred space as a couple. Don’t underestimate the value of cuddling or spooning on non-sex nights.
  • Keep a regular Date Night. Go out if you can, even if just for a short walk, but if you can’t find or afford a sitter, designate one night per week that you put the kids to bed and spend a few hours together. Take turns planning what to do. Keep the date if possible, even if it needs to be short. If you absolutely have to reschedule, do so right away.
  • You first, marriage second, family third. If you are unhappy, you will have less to give your spouse and children. Take care of yourself, then your spouse. Children come third, because one of the worst things you can do to your children is get a divorce.

If focusing on your spouse leaves a little less time for extended family, friends and hobbies, that’s OK. Yes, you need these things for life balance, but to put the fire back in your love life, you need to maintain a habit of spending time together, one-on-one, on a regular basis.