Questions Couples Ask Sex Therapists Most Often

couple sitting with backs to one another on bed

Many of my clients want to know:

If you have any of these concerns, you are in good company–and a sex therapist can help.

Here are some short answers to the above concerns you may wish to explore further with a therapist. (Step 1, ask for recommendations and/or search “couples sex therapist near me” online.)

There is No Normal

People want to know if their sexual thoughts, feelings and actions are typical. Rest assured, there is no ‘normal!’ What you see on porn sites, TV and in the movies is someone’s fantasy. If what you and your consenting partner like works for both of you, that’s wonderful and healthy.

About Orgasms

Many of my client, particularly women, do not know their own anatomy very well and ask if I can teach them to orgasm. My answer is, “absolutely!” And there is no shame in asking.

Coming to orgasm is a skill, and you can get better at it with practice and patience. There are physical and psychological factors that can make having an orgasm challenging for some people. But it is often simply a matter of education.

Some 36% of women cannot have an orgasm from intercourse alone. They need extensive foreplay with direct clitoral stimulation. Others have to be in the right mood.

Each person needs to figure out the right recipe for them, and then communicate it to their partner. I advise clients to take responsibility for their own pleasure. An orgasm is something you give yourself, often through your partner.

Bigger Isn’t Necessarily Better

Men think size matters, but most women don’t agree. While unusually large penises shown in porn have given many men an inferiority complex, most female partners care more about what you do with your anatomy than its size.

When Your Partner Always Seems to Have a Headache

Sexual desire fluctuates widely from person to person, and can change over time for each individual.

If you are feeling sex-starved, a sex therapist can help you figure out what to do. It might start with communicating more clearly with your partner about your wants and needs.

You can also try:

  • Planning ahead for regular “sex dates” so your partner can prepare mentally and physically
  • Compromising on how often to have sex and what “sex” entails
  • Working together to find a win-win

A sex therapist can help you take baby steps toward a more fulfilling sex life if one partner has a lower libido than the other.

Other Issues That Reduce Interest in Sex

For men, there can be performance anxiety issues or actual physical problems, such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation that get in the way of a satisfactory sex life.

For women, exhaustion and stress are frequent mood-killers, along with a lack of emotional connection. They can also have physical issues such as vaginismus.

Talking to a sex therapist can get you back on a path to a relationship-affirming sex life.