Many of my clients experience low sexual desire or libido. This is a VERY COMMON problem, but the good news is, it can be treated successfully in sex therapy. (To find a sex therapist in your area, search “sex therapists near me” on your browser.)
Communication, stress, beliefs about intimacy/sexual behaviors, medications and many other factors can impact how much you desire sexual relations with your partner. But a healthy sex life is important to a happy overall life, so let’s look at some of the things that can mess up fun in the bedroom.
Communication
If you are noticing a lower level of interest in sex, tell your partner about it! Ask them to set aside some time to talk when you will both be relaxed, and share what is going on. Be open and honest. This will build understanding and help create a supportive environment wherein you can address the issue TOGETHER.
Stress
It is difficult to think about getting lucky when you are barely getting by. Stress-reducing techniques such as exercise, meditation, deep breathing, and activities you enjoy can help. Making time for yourself, especially when time is in short supply, can help you feel more like giving your partner love and attention.
Everyday Intimacy
It can feel awkward or forced to have to turn on desire when it’s time for sex. Focus on building intimacy at other times without the pressure. Cuddle, kiss, hug and touch sensually often — with the spoken understanding that these behaviors, when done in passing, are not foreplay. Emotional closeness built during the day can kick-start desire at night.
Eroticism and Fantasies
Do you know what turns you on? If not, try erotic literature or movies, or self-pleasuring. Knowing what arouses you and sharing these discoveries with your partner can help reignite desire.
Relationship Issues
How well have you been getting along lately? Are you angry or resentful about anything that has happened recently. These feelings are a total buzzkill. A professional sex therapist can address underlying concerns that might be keeping you apart sexually. Clients sometimes find that feeling better about their partner overall improves their interest in sex.
Overall Health
If low libido persists and significantly impacts your quality of life, consider seeking help from a qualified healthcare professional (your sex therapist may also send you to one). They can assess underlying causes, provide guidance, and recommend appropriate interventions.
Taking care of your physical health (eating healthily, exercising and getting enough sleep) can make a big difference in sexual desire. When you have more energy, it follows that you will have more energy for sexual give-and-take.
Medications
Certain medications, such as antidepressants or hormonal contraceptives, can reduce libido. If you suspect a medication is affecting your level of desire for sexual activities, tell your doctor. They may be able to adjust the dosage or explore alternatives.
Boredom
If you have been with your partner for a long time, you may simply be getting bored with the sexual program. Try new positions, toys, touching in different places or mutual masturbation. Talk about your desires, things you want to try, what brings your pleasure and boundaries. Feeling safe is key to any experimentation.
Lifestyle
Smoking, alcohol and drugs can impact libido as well as sexual performance.
It’s essential to approach low libido with patience and understanding. Every individual’s/couple’s experience is unique; there is no one-size-fits-all solution. While I have a bag of tricks that have worked, I personalize treatment based on your circumstances.
It can take time to discover what works best for you. But when both people are willing to make the effort to learn and practice new behaviors, success is virtually assured.