Male Sexual Arousal and Performance Myths and Facts

<< See part one of the Male Sexual Arousal article by clicking here

Today, we’re busting common myths about male sexuality. Let’s move on to Myth #6.

Myth 6: Sex Centers on a Hard Penis and What’s Done With It

Size, hardness and activity of a penis is what this myth is all about and all that matters.

Men are just their penises, and women sure get tired of penises being a focus.

Automatic functioning is an assumption about his penis too. This implies that a male’s penis should spring into action at any time.

Bernie Zilbergeld, a clinical psychologist and author, once wrote, “a man showing up at a sexual event without a rock-hard penis is as inappropriate as a carpenter showing up for work without his hammer and tape measure.”

All these expectations put pressure on a man and ultimately leads to feelings of inadequacy.

Myth 7: If Your Penis Isn’t Up to Snuff, We Have a Pill That Will Take Care of Everything

Yes, we’re talking about Viagra. This medicine is supposed to magically induce a hard, long lasting erection! The ultimate indicator of male sexual arousal.

Yes, that is what the Viagra drug provides, but that is all it provides. This sexual medication does not heal relationship issues. It does not make the sexual experience better. Viagra won’t make you want to make love, be close or love who you are or who you are with.

For those with blood flow problems, this is a miracle medication. Enjoy the full benefits.

Myth 8: Sex Equals Intercourse

Sex is often synonymous with intercourse. Books on the subject, erotic materials, and educational classes all treat them as one.

Sex is defined as kissing, caressing, teasing, and manual or oral stimulation of the genitals. Somehow these are always a preliminary to the penis in the vagina.

The opportunity is missed to enjoy the touch and excitement of sex itself as one of the biggest joys in our lives.

If the goal is always intercourse, then most get caught up in the performance. Being in the moment is rarely enjoyed and we miss getting aroused by our sensations with our partner. We miss the pleasure and stimulation necessary for our sexual response.

There is nothing wrong with wanting intercourse, but if it is always treated as an absolute then problems will to occur.

Learn to give and receive pleasure and you will be on your way to healthy sexuality and maturity.

Myth 9: A Man Should Make the Earth Move for His Partner

Sex has become so much about the pressure to please, again and again, that all the “togetherness” is gone. Well, if it ever existed in the first place.

“One climax after another until she cries out with ecstasy,” is portrayed in many scenarios. Many couples do not take responsibility for their own orgasm or pleasure while engaging in sex. Most were never taught that they should be doing this, and most don’t know how.

Just as we share our likes and dislikes, needs and wants in other areas of our relationships, we must learn about our sexual selves, and share this information with our partner, spouse or lover.

Men feel sex is not worth the trouble if they can never please their partner enough or meet all societal expectations. Unless the experience is earth shattering and ends in at least a dozen orgasms, it’s just not worth the pressure. Or they end up faking it.

Both parties end up feeling sad, angry and frustrated.

Myth 10: Good Sex is Spontaneous with No Planning or Talking

Let’s talk about sex. Most of us hint, flirt, joke, and try to seduce.But when it comes to asking and planning, it’snot the same.

Although, studies suggest that talking can be even more of a turn-on than hinting at sex. You know directly that you desire each other, and who doesn’t want to be wanted?

As Dr. Zilbergeld puts it, we love feeding into this childish fantasy where people instinctively know what each other wants and are willing to provide it without any problems. We can have all we want, whenever we want.

But that does not work. If we don’t learn how to feel comfortable talking and planning for sex, we end up having less sexual intercourse and usually really bad sex.

When we plan for sex, like a vacation, we are anticipating good times, having plenty of energy and our mood follows.

You will probably be more likely to actually engage in opportunities for spontaneous sex. Talking makes the sex real.

Debunk the Male Sexual Arousal Myths Together

You have to decide if you are ready to debunk these myths and start having real good sex.

Feel free to contact me if you have questions about male sexual arousal, couples counseling, or any other sexual matter in the Charlotte, North Carolina area.