You’ve been going to marriage counseling to work through some issues related to intimacy. Did you make the right choice of therapists? You and your partner can decide if your therapist was a good pick by asking yourselves two sets of questions around two broad issues:
- Connection with the therapist
- Progress in your therapy
Gauging the Connection
Here are some questions to ponder to determine whether you have a good client-therapist connection:
- Do you look forward to your therapy sessions? Or do you feel nervous in the waiting room?
- Do you feel committed to the process? Is it easy to do the homework?
- Does your therapist give you their full attention? Not check their phone or the clock?
- Do they remember details from the last session, or do you feel like you are always starting back at Square One?
- Is there a good balance between talking and listening? Skill-building and exploration?
Measuring your Progress
These questions help you decide whether you are making adequate progress for the time and money you are putting into therapy:
- Have you gained tangible skills in relating to your spouse?
- Do you feel more hopeful about your relationship than when you started therapy?
- Do you feel you are expressing yourself more honestly with your partner? Do you feel you are understanding them better as well?
- Have you reduced unhealthy behaviors that you came to the sex therapist to change?
- Are you finding yourself reacting more slowly to your partner and thinking through your responses in order to be more productive?
If you are not getting positive answers to most of these questions, you owe it to yourselves to tell the therapist you don’t think the counseling is working. If it doesn’t improve after a few more sessions, try someone else!