Whether it’s through a childhood game of tag in the playground, or with major life issues as two adults in a relationship, being cheated on is absolutely no fun.
In a romantic relationship, the act of cheating is a heartbreaker. The Oxford dictionary says infidelity is “the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner.”
There are many reasons people cheat:
- Lack of happiness in the relationship
- Feeling lost or disconnected with a part of themselves
- Taking advantage of an unexpected opportunity
We’re not here to make excuses for those who cheat. We’re here to help others understand the roots of these actions and what can be done to help the relationship survive.
The Most Common Causes of Infidelity
The most-cited cause of infidelity is emotional disconnection. The person committing adultery claims to have a large void in their lives. This is often described as feeling:
- lonely, and
When these feelings remain for long periods of time, they turn into anger and resentment. This is usually when infidelity occurs. The person feeling detached will blame the other partner for not paying enough attention to them, etc.
Types of Cheating
“Cheating” can be emotional or physical. Both hurt.
Getting past the pain is a process. There can be many other emotions involved: embarrassment, shame, guilt, anger and sadness. People who have been cheated on go through a rollercoaster of loving and hating their spouse.
Healing After an Affair
It takes 18 months to two years to heal from infidelity. It will take time to decide if you want to continue the relationship. Once you decide, you can move forward. Know you will not be in distress every day for two years.
There are no sure-fire ways to get through, but there are things you can do to move through the hurt, pain, and stress:
- Write down your thoughts and feelings and discuss them with a trusted counselor.
- Allow yourself time to go through the Five Stages of Grief. You may experience several at once.
- Eat, sleep, and exercise. Staying physically healthy actually helps your mental state.
- Take up a new hobby or get back to one. Pamper yourself, learn something new or read something entertaining.
- Understand how and why the affair occurred. A marriage counselor or sex therapist can be a huge help here, whether you go alone or with your partner.
- Be patient. Forgive the affair, whether you decide to stay with your partner or not, for your own health.