Couple Counseling Basics

couple in counseling

Couples Counseling Can Solve Sexual and Emotional Problems

Sexual relationships are best maintained when both individuals are actively involved; sexual satisfaction is not a one-person job.

It’s important to make the ongoing effort to preserve your physical and emotional bond. Otherwise, marriage or a committed relationship can become a glorified roommate situation.

This is where couples therapy comes in. It can help you make sex fun again—a shared pleasure, stress reducer and way to maintain intimacy.

Orgasms improve sleep, ease pain, boost the immune system, benefit cardiovascular health, foster emotional bonds, enhance self-esteem and even provide menstrual relief. So getting back to enjoying intimacy with the help of a relationship therapist can even improve your health and lengthen your life!

Sexual Complacency is Natural, but Not Inevitable

In the beginning of most relationships, the sex is great. But when the intimacy starts to decline, the level of dissatisfaction with the relationship can increase up to 75 percent.

This is usually when partners reach out for help from someone who specializes in couples sex therapy like myself here in Charlotte, NC.

Couples sex therapy is about helping both individuals make sexuality a more satisfying part of their lives. Not just intercourse, but closeness in the relationship.

It’s a circle you can put in motion with a therapist’s guidance: closeness fosters overall connection, which leads to better erotic encounters, including sexual intercourse.

Therapy for you together as a couple can
  • get to the root of a reluctance to be intimate,
  • help each of you discover your own sexual needs and desires and
  • build new communication and behavior patterns to ensure each person is satisfied in the relationship.

In relationship therapy, you practice these new behaviors to make them a habit.

Sexless Marriage

As a long-time professional focused on couples sex therapy in the Charlotte area, I’ve noticed an increasing number of clients having sexual dysfunctions and sexual dissatisfaction in recent years. Of special concern to me is the number of relationships that are nonsexual.

A sexless union is one where there are fewer than 10 sexual encounters between the couple in a year. An estimated 20% of intimate partnerships fall into this category.

Why is this a problem if both people feel OK about it?

Because no sex is often a sign of deeper problems in the relationship—like resentment or boredom—which can lead to separation or divorce if not addressed.

Low sexual desire is a sexual dysfunction that I see frequently. It can be related to other sexual difficulties in either partner, such as erectile dysfunction, inhibited female orgasm or vaginismus.

In couples therapy, I have helped many people with this issue and I can help you.

In Couples Counseling, the Couple is the Client

Counseling in my Charlotte office focuses on the couple. The couple is the client, not each individual. That’s not to say individual work is not done—it is each individual’s responsibility to address their own nonproductive thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

But if it is determined that more individual work is needed than is normally done in sex therapy, then an additional therapist may be required. The relationship therapy is usually put on hold until that counseling is complete. I can refer you to a professional for individual therapy in or near Charlotte.

How Couples Sex Therapy Works

First, I’ll meet with both individuals at the same time. This is to assess if sex therapy is the best place for them to address their concerns, and if I’m a good fit as a couples counselor for them.

Next, I see each person individually and obtain a Sexual Health History:

  1. These questions help me get a clear, uncensored view of each partner’s psychological and sexual development.
  2. We will also discuss attitudes and beliefs about their sexuality.
  3. This includes dating experiences, which allows the person to get comfortable sharing personal details, and to gain confidence in talking to a sex therapist.

The next time we all meet together, I present a treatment plan for the couple in therapy. This merges my findings with the couple’s stated desire and motivation for successful treatment.

Treatment of Sexual Dysfunction in Couples

The type of treatment I do in Charlotte, NC, is focused on integrating emotional work, education and a couple’s relationship skills around the sexual dysfunction.

Whether you’re

  • in a rebound relationship,
  • having trouble reaching orgasm,
  • masturbating excessively,
  • climaxing too quickly or
  • constantly watching porn,

I’m here to improve your sex life with couples sex therapy in Charlotte, NC, and the surrounding area.

A Recipe for Success

The most important determination for success in couples counseling is how each person feels about the relationship and the treatment process. Couples therapy only succeeds if both people are fully committed to the union and working through the therapeutic process with me.

People worry they’ll tell you something shocking, but heard a very wide range of sexual experiences and dysfunctions. I never get two clients with exactly the same issues, but there are common themes and approaches that I have found work.

A widely-quoted statistic says approximately 93% of people who commit to sex therapy report an improved sex life afterwards.

In addition to requiring the practice of new ways of communicating and behaving, therapy often includes homework, and the couple willing to do the homework with an open heart and mind is more likely to succeed in therapy.

Sexual satisfaction is no different than any other goal we wish to achieve. What an awesome goal to pursue!

Beyond helping you create a healthy and satisfying relationship, couples sex therapy can result in:

  • The treatment of sexual problems
  • The discovery of your most powerful sexual organ (your brain)
  • Fewer fears and anxieties
  • The healing of sexual trauma
  • An enhanced emotional connection
  • Self-knowledge
  • The prevention of future problems

An Inclusive Practice

I am passionate about helping clients reach their intimacy potential through the work of sex therapy, and provide assistance to all sorts of couples: same-sex, bi-sexual, LGBTIQ+, people into atypical sexual behaviors and those with open relationships.

If a sexual practice is safe and between consenting adults, I make no judgements.

Some of my clients have done a lot of research and have talked about their sexual lifestyles before making the decision to commit. Others are totally in the dark and are scared to seek out sex therapy or marriage counseling.

Either way, I can help heal your union.

As a relationship and sex counselor, there is no topic that is absolutely “weird” or unheard of to me. I listen with an open mind and guide individuals and couples with expertise and years of experience.